#WorldSuicidePreventionDay
CW: Depression, Suicide, Bullying
Hey all! This is a heavy topic, but with how hard 2020 has been for so many, I thought I‘d open up a bit on #worldsuicidepreventionday
I hit bottom when I was 11. I was bullied in school while my parents and I faced financial insecurity at home. I once came home to a locked door and found out our house was going to be re-possessed by the bank**. The next morning, my teacher made an example of me for how messy my desk was and had me clean it in front of the entire class. The daily abuse from my peers got so bad that I could no longer look at myself in the mirror.
**(My mom, being amazing, found a way for us to keep our home).
At my lowest point, I started writing these notes (I wrote the note in the second picture when I was 11). Though I couldn’t explain it, these notes became a form of meditation and therapy. My parents had a sense that things were bad, and always told me to l talk to them if I was hurting. I started thinking “If life is this bad at 11, it is never going to get any better” and I finally opened up to my parents. They got me to a new school, Dad inspired me to write a book, and working in my Mom’s classroom helped me find my purpose. Going to a therapist, writing, and working in schools through OWC and as a teacher allowed me to meet incredible people around the world - people who have helped me feel happier than I ever have before. I never thought I’d ever like myself, much less find happiness — but Mom was right, there was always hope.
To anyone who reads this who is struggling, please know that I care, and if there’s a way I can help — I’m here. I now teach 11-12 year olds every day, and a big reason for that is remembering just how much I needed someone there for me when I was that age. Sadly, I’ve had multiple students open up about how ashamed they are to be struggling - but I want you to know that many of the adult figures in your life have had similar feelings and are there for you. Depression still hits me to this day, but thanks to the people in my life and the routines I’ve developed I’ve finally found peace on my lowest days.
Recovery is possible.
